how to be cool, fool

to be a poor girl in potomac, one must lust after hot men who live thousands of miles away, as well as ordinary men who live very close by (ha ha ). one must also shop at nordstrom rack instead of at nordstroms and buy designer jeans for half price and then get them hemmed at nordstrom for free. one must watch trashy tv shows on E! such as "the girls next door," "kendra," and "keeping up with the kardashians," and secretly want to marry their black husbands.

we will settle for longchamp bags for now for we cannot afford balenciagas, chanel, and miu miu ones. we want to be precious with our tory burch flats, cuffed rich and skinny boyfriend jeans, and burberry trenches, but we will settle for hobo-chic. over the knee boots are for hookers, but we wear them proudly. the a-line bob and voluminous hair look will forever be an unattainable fantasy. sephora is for lovers and jimmy choo is my friend. hautelook and gilt make us more poor. designer name dropping is ridiculously pretentious, esp when we have a very limited knowledge of designer-wear. well, we try. communitychannel is fucking awesome. fuck me and your mom during porno music/comment time.

also, vampires are the bomb diggity but edward cullen is a fucking pussy. no, i will not let you bite a pillow when you could be biting me, bill and sookie style. you're a pussy if it takes you three and a half books to do me. stop watching me sleep, you're creepy. either do me or go away. sorry, i don't want to cuddle with a rock. bill compton is a short garden gnome and eric northman is a god. alcide herveux is a hairy god. vampires were cool because of BUFFY and ANGEL, but if we're on the topic of twilight, jacob looks like a llama on steroids and i refuse to be a pedophile and like little boys. team edward ftw because pale is the new pink. oh and justin bieber is also a pussy. he is a beaver. 'nuff said. please do not make me listen to him or i might choke on my own vomit.

superficiality makes the world go round and mcdonald's feeds the hungry. be fat and be precious to the bone. we like to drink tea as we play mahjong while wearing lace and bows on our head. that's just the way it should be done. we do not know how to properly take compliments.

live in potomac, or don't. be a rich bitch who is secretly poor (not so secret). prosper. this post is terribly grammatically incorrect. this is a substance-induced spur-of-the-moment blogpost and yes, i am aware that i am crazy. i enjoy blogging but cindy does not, so let's get her back to her old xanga days. blogging ftw! it's 5am and i have an exam in 8 hours, fuck me.

i refuse to post anything with "substance" on this blog. that would just completely defeat the purpose of this blog.